A Baby Story-Thingy

Big cocktail party. Adults drinking wine. Hello? Baby here! Just drop me off in the kitchen so I can do my thing, my “thing” as in “raid the fridge”. I mean, sure, the milk’s okay, I guess, but a baby’s gotta do what a baby’s gotta do! Oh, and as for the whole “personal space” concept, don’t knock it till ya try it. And if I start crying or whatever, it’s because you’re such a lousy parent. No, I’m not hungry. No, I’m not tired. I just wanna watch the midnight viewing of “Psycho”! Is that too much to ask? Heck, you guys do it all the time. Do you want me to grow up a coward? Start early, that’s MY motto. And YES, I know what a motto is! Hey! Stinky diaper over here! Yeah, you! Get over here before I call the cops and report child abuse! And no, I am NOT crying! Yeah, if you wore diapers you would know what it’s like. Yawn! Yeah, of course I’m tired! Lord of the Rings was on demand last night! Oh, and if you ever get a bill from the TV Network, the cat did it! OK, so we don’t have a cat… are you listening when I speak to you? And for the last time, I am NOT crying!